This photo was taken last summer by my friend. We were in Camotes Island, a beautiful island around two hours away from the mainland, and, at the time, we had just discovered that the last barge back to mainland Cebu was full. Yes, we were a little bit stranded then and not to mention pretty much broke. The only reason we were in Camotes was because of a travel article that, even before we started writing it, we already hated. It wasn’t easy exploring an island with limited time and a severely tight budget. When we found out that tickets for the last barge was sold out, we were too exhausted to feel agonized about it. Still, we knew the consequences and silently brooded about them while watching the sun set. It was the only consolation we had.
Luckily, that story had a happy ending. There were a lot of people left behind by the last barge so the shipping line decided to throw us all a bone, er, barge. Our jeep driver knew someone on deck and hooked us up with some tickets, which was really lucky for us since the tickets sold out after like five minutes. The barge was really full though.
That was just last year but it honestly felt like it was much longer than that. Things were just so different back then, a little bit lighter even. I think I was even more childlike then because of how little baggage I had to lug around with me. It’s super melodramatic, I know, but I guess I kind of see that because, well, I wasn’t really in charge then. I wasn’t the leader and didn’t have much responsibilities. I could afford to mess up or take my time or disappear off the face of the earth and not suffer consequences too dire. My mistakes were mine alone, not shared by my team.
Now… well, let’s just say that I’ve been jumping at every shadow and double guessing myself at every turn. I can no longer mess up without my team and my friends suffering. I’d be a shit leader and shit person if I did whatever I pleased and not even consider how it would affect others. This is particularly difficult for someone as introspective and unsociable like me. I’m just not built to be a leader type and all. I’ve always just been a lone wolf. How I got the leader position, I have no idea.
On a much less dreary note, my team and I may be able to visit Camotes again before summer break ends. I think it’s a sure thing now but me and our MEF (the guy who handles the money matters) are still rather antsy about it. However, I do believe that we deserve it after everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve accomplished during the summer.
We’ve been cutting corners like crazy though so a splurge like an island trip is enough to make us all feel weird. Giddy, yeah, excited, of course, but weird and hesitant. It could turn out to be a total fail or one of the best outings yet. We’d love to believe in the latter but… for safety measures, I, at least, will be the token Anxious One (as always). I won’t go as far as be the Doomsayer but I will still be on the look out. After last year’s seemingly never ending wave of disasters, it’s difficult to believe in anything good anymore.
Still… I’ll hope for the best. It’ll be difficult though.