Here I go again, creating a “new” blog that’ll supposedly be “different” or whatever from my other blogs. To record, right now I have about 1 Tumbleog (it counts as a blogging platform!), 1 secret Livejournal (secret because it’s basically my diary… and because of the fact that I know and still use LJ), 2 separate WordPress blogs (one’s completely private, the other’s a book blog thing that I had to make for a class), and a handful of long-forgotten Blogspot blogs that contained more or less two posts each. So why am I starting this blog then, in WordPress no less, a blogging platform that I still have no idea how to use? Not completely sure, actually. I have some suspicions though.
It’s embarrassing to admit but useless to deny but lately I have been rather envious of my friends’ blogs. I’m even more envious of their confidence of their blog. They share links to their blogs on their Facebook! Something that I would never even dream of doing.
Despite being an actual writer for our school publication, I’m still genuinely embarrassed to have people read the things that I write, especially online where it’s easier to write stupid things. It makes me uncomfortable, knowing that people that I know in real life have possibly read my stupid little thoughts (complete strangers, on the hand, are safer[??]). It shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of, I know, but I still kind of am. Our society may be starting to take blogging seriously now (instead of raising a brow in bewilderment and mild disdain like some people used to do in the old days) but I’m still extremely hesitant and borderline paranoid of sharing my blog to people that I know personally. It’d like giving people permission to peruse my mind and I’m just not good with that. I guess it’s a hard habit to break, guarding my blog/s obsessively, even in the eve of The Blogger age. I’ve been blogging secretly for so long that I just can’t imagine not doing it anymore.
‘But the chances of anyone reading my blog are still slim to none anyway so what’s the deal?’ I tell myself, but then realize that there’s still a chance, however slim, that someone I know could read it, maybe even react to it, and the possible consequences of that terrify me more than I can articulate.
My longest running blog right now is my Tumblr and although I have no plans of deactivating it or abandoning the website any time soon (I’m honestly in too deep in Tumblr now that leaving is no longer even plausible), I still like to experiment with new blogging platforms. WordPress, it would appear, is a bit more serious than Tumblr. And is more of a legitimate blogging website. I can still remember my friend, who, coincidentally, is a WordPress blogger, saying that she “can’t believe some people use Tumblr like a blog.” I casually told her that I used to post my blog on Tumblr too and no I don’t have a Tumblr anymore, I don’t even remember my username, what is a Tumblr?
In any case, I’ve always wanted to have a go at running an actual, serious blog. Though come to think of it, I suck at serious writing so… yeah, good luck on that, me.
Oiling the machine
Though I suppose my main reason for creating this WordPress is to improve my writing and blogging skills. I may write a handful of articles every semester but I’m still light-years away from being even the slightest proud of my writing abilities. Some days I’m even terrified of suddenly losing whatever bland writing prowess I had in the first place. Once I get started on that nightmarish thought, I’d spend hours, sometimes even days, thinking of worst case scenarios and just generally torturing myself with reassessing everything that I’ve ever wrote and comparing myself to everyone and their grandmother. It gets tough, this anxiety-driven life I live.
I’m thinking maybe a fresh, clean, new blog will help me be less… not good with words. Or something. Damn, I’m so stupidly rusty.
But that’s all drivel and bull, I guess. Whatever my reasons/suspicions, this blog is here, I’m here, my first post is here. Hello, World!